I’m sure all of you have seen the disturbing video already. It has gone completely viral. An 18-year-old vlogger, Romania Garcia, urges her followers to stay in abusive relationships. While she’s gotten plenty of criticism, she has gotten a lot of praise. It’s truly disturbing what our society is coming to.
Every time it seems like America is very progressive, it regresses so far back. Possibly criticism isn’t the best thing here. Instead, I feel that we should clear the air on things that are often mistaken for love in abusive situations.
Control is not love. In her video, Romania says, “He gave me an order, and I didn’t follow it.” A man’s woman is neither his pet nor his slave. She is his companion and his equal. Men who give orders are not in relationships for companionship or love. They need an object to control. They’re using fear to force their partners into submission.
Click here to see what some of Ms. Garcia’s fans had to say in support of her comments. In response to one of her supporters, Romania says “These hoes out here don’t know their place.” Items that you own belong in a place. Your significant other does not own you. They relate to you. They stand by you.
While this example is one of physical abuse, visible bruises are not the only way that abuse happens. Emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse are just as real and vial as any physical wound. They too have the power to scar someone forever. Using violence or any type of abuse to condition a lover is not love.
Abuse, physical or otherwise, is a device that controlling partners use to condition behavior. It’s very similar to parents punishing children to discourage “bad” behavior. Corporal punishment is a controversial parenting topic that we won’t discuss in detail here, but punishing a child is to make them a better human being. It is not a device used to make someone into a shell of a person that won’t question a single demand. Your lover is not your parent. It is not their place to punish or condition you in any way. You’re neither their object, nor their child.
The love of your life should never force you to do anything. They shouldn’t force you with orders, with violence, or any other method of coercion. If your significant other does these things, it is not love. It’s control.
Separating significant others from friends or family members is a common device in abusive relationships. This way, the abused lover seemingly has no one to turn to but their abuser, the only one who “loves” them.
It can begin with alienation. Many times it’s monetary. Whatever tactic is used, abusers may make their abused lovers feel as if they need them. This is not love. It’s a tactic to keep you beneath them. If you’re only staying with your partner because you need them, it is not love.
There are many sick people in the world, and abusive people definitely fit this description. Abusive lovers are not something to be admired or supported. They do not love you. They control. Know your worth. That goes for anyone.