Many people have told me that I’m quick with come-backs. I would say that the true master I my mother. She once told me that I’ve always had the ability to “tell someone to go to hell and make them enjoy the trip.” To this day, I’m still trying to figure out whether or not she insulted me.
Sometimes, it can be more effective to not use swear words to get your point across. Instead of using some of the more common insults, get creative and throw in some fifty-dollar words.
Scenario: A guy you really don’t care for ask you out. Sure he’s cute, but he’s a bit of a jerk.
Insult: “I’d kill myself before I’d go out with you.”
Say Instead: “The thought of dating you is unsettling and macabre.”
Macabre means, by definition, “disturbing because concerned with or causing fear of death.” Ouch. You’ve just told him that dating him brings about thoughts and fear of death. It’s not too different in it’s essence of the first example response, but he surely won’t see that coming. If he doesn’t know the definition of the word, have some satisfaction in knowing he’ll be feeling like an idiot for a while in addition to getting rejected by you.
Scenario: Someone asks you what you think of their friend. You’re not too fond of the girl because she’s boastful of her accomplishments and think she’s better than everyone.
Insult: “Ew, she thinks she’s all that.”
Instead say: You know, If she would put the pom poms down, I wouldn’t find her so pretentious.”
A person who is pretentious, is “attempting to impress by affecting greater importance or merit than it actually possessed.” Thank You, Oxford English. People that are their own biggest cheerleaders and proud of it can be a little obnoxious to those around them. The best way to deal with them is let them talk, and let their skills speak for themselves.
What do you witty readers have to say? Do have a snappy phrase that you go to when certain situations arise? Let us know in the comments.